If Only
by KatnotKath
Summary: A certain person's thoughts about her life and what's happening in it.  Difficult to provide a summary without giving it all away.  AU CC
1. Chapter 1

**Story Title**: If Only…

**Author:** KatnotKath

**Rating** : ADULT/MATURE (just for one scene)

**Couple**: CC  
**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.

**Summary**: A certain someone's thoughts about her life and what's happening in it… I'd give you more, but it's only short, and I don't want to spoil it…

Prologue

"Abigail, come on sweetie, please don't fuss, mommy really needs to get to class..." I drop a kiss on top of the head of my one year old daughter as I grab my bag and make ready to hand her over to my mom.

She laughs and giggles, probably not really understanding what I'm saying as yet and clings to my shirt. Boosting her further up my hip, I swing my bag onto my other shoulder and then grab my coat with free hand as we hurry out of the room.

Mom's waiting downstairs with open arms, and reaches to take Abby from me. "Alright, say goodbye to momma..." She tells her softly as I try to pry her deceptively strong hands away from my shirt. "I'll see you later sweetheart...love you..." As mom settles my little girl on her hip, I smile and blow a kiss towards her. "Be good for grandma okay baby...?" My gaze lingers on her a few moments longer, and then I force myself to pull away. "See you later mom..."

She nods and smiles. "Have a good day honey..." She uses her hand to wave the tiny one of my small daughter.

Without further words, I head towards the door which leads out onto the back and hurry down the steps onto the road, setting a quick pace as I walk down the street.

"Liz!"

I look around.

_Oh yeah, that's me, sorry, I guess I didn't introduce myself, I'm Liz Parker... _

"Liz, do you want a lift?" The jeep pulls up next to me, and I find myself looking into the face of Max Evans. Tess is in the passenger seat, and his sister Isabel is in the back. I hesitate before answering.

"Come on Liz, there's plenty of space you know..." He assures me with a small smile, gesturing to the other side of the back seat.

After a moment's more hesitation, I nod quickly before I rethink and change my mind. Afterall, it's only a lift, and if I don't accept, I'm going to be late for school. "Okay...thanks..." I murmur softly, giving an awkward smile as I climb in and Isabel moves to one side.

Max pulls away from the curb as I sit down, and I lean back, rocking my head back and letting out a tired sigh.

"Tired...?"

_That's Tess, she has this wonderful talent for stating the obvious it seems..._

I count to five, resisting the urge to roll my eyes and simply nod, forcing one of those smiles I give to annoying customers at the Crashdown. "Yeah... Abby was up late last night...and then early this morning..." I comment, and while it might sound like I am, I must point out that I'm not complaining about it... I never complain about my daughter, she's the best thing in my life by far.

Since we're stopped at some lights, Max looks back at me as I say this, his eyes full of questioning and sympathy. "I thought she slept through nowadays...?"

Sighing, I shake my head, fully aware that Tess is already getting bored of this subject. "Yeah, most nights she does, but there's the odd one where she doesn't..." I'm not going to make a big deal of it, it's what happens with kids... Just a lot of moms would then be able to sleep it off later in the day, and I can't...

He nods slowly, and opens his mouth, apparently wanting to say more but Tess taps him on the shoulder as the lights turn to amber, and he redirects his attention to the road. I'm glad he does, I don't really want to talk about it anymore...

Five minutes later, we're driving through the gates of West Roswell High, and less than a minute later we're pulling up in the parking lot.

_Yes, you heard me right, West Roswell High... When I was mentioned about Abby you probably assumed I was in college at least... Well, I'm not, and I'm not a teacher either if that's another thought which has occurred to you. I'm seventeen, a senior, and well let's just say my life makes one heck of a story..._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

_You're probably all wondering how I ended up in this situation - well if you listen, you might just find out..._

"Liz, Chica, wait up!"

_That's Maria, my best friend. We've known each other since we were in diapers, and I can talk to her about anything...well, almost everything anyway... _

Smiling, I stop and turn around as she dashes up. "Hey Maria..."

She grins. "Hey Chica, how's that angel of yours?" She asks, starting the day as always by asking about Abby.

I nod slightly. "Oh, she's good...bit cranky, but nothing I can't handle..." The warning bell rings, and we begin walking along again in the direction of our first class. "I think she's got another tooth coming through, so she's not sleeping too well…" I elaborate to explain a little of what I mean. If anyone at school is going to understand, it's Maria, because it's Maria who I spend most of my time with and therefore gets to see both Abby's good, and bad days…

"Oh, the poor thing…" Maria sympathises, her lip pouting.

Sighing, I nod again. "Yeah, well it's got to happen sometime… Just I kinda wish I could have been while we were on holiday from school you know…?" I hate seeing my baby upset whenever, but it's a hundred times worse when I have to leave her every morning to go to school.

Of course there are those who say that I shouldn't be at school anymore – that I gave up the right to an education the moment I got pregnant, but luckily my parents don't agree, and I'm certainly not going to give up my chance of making a good life for myself and Abby because of some stupid, ignorant…

_Sorry, I'm getting off subject here I know, but it's hard sometimes. Anyway…_

"Aww chica, are you okay…?" Maria's looking at me through those beautiful eyes which are just brimming with concern.

"Yeah, sure, of course, you know me, supermom…" I try to joke, attempting to laugh it off and then directing the subject elsewhere… "So, how was your date last night anyway?"

It's pretty obvious what I'm doing of course, but then I'm not trying to hide it. I don't mind if she realises why I'm changing the subject, just as long as she doesn't try pushing me on it further. Besides, sometimes it's nice just to talk about teenage stuff, because afterall, mom or not, that's what I am, a teenager…

"It was good… I can hardly believe this is the same Michael who bought me two in one shampoo as a gift last year…" She's grinning at first, but as she mentions the shampoo, her voice trails off, looking at me as though worried I'm going to burst into tears.

"It's okay Maria…I'm past it…" I assure her with a big smile, hoping that I can pull it off. "Besides, I moved on didn't I…? A bit fast maybe, but still…" Crossing fingers behind my back, I give her another big smile as we stop in front of my class. Unfortunately, this is where we split, most of my classes are AP, and well, Maria's…aren't… "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Sure chica, see you later…" She waves her hand at me and heads off down the corridor as I push open the door and step into class.

Clutching my books to my chest, in a manner which I have developed recently – I think it's like a substitute for Abby - I walk across the class, dropping my homework on the appropriate pile on the desk and making my way to my bench where I sit down.

"Hi Liz…"

I look over and give Max a small smile. "Hey…"

It always works like this, and there's never time to say anything more because a moment later, right on time, Mr Seiglmann walks through the door and class starts. We spend the next few minutes sat while he explains what we're doing today, then another fifty or so on the actual classwork, before clearing away and packing up.

I close my book after copying down tonight's homework assignment, and then reach a pencil which has rolled over to the other side of the desk. Apparently Max has seen it too, because he reaches out at the same time, his hand brushing mine just for an instant as he picks it up and hands it over. "Here, I think this is yours…"

I give a small nod and chew my lip. "Yeah…thanks…" Taking it from him, I drop it into my pencil case which I then close up, stacking it on top of my books as I pick them up, holding them against my chest again as I stand up and push back my stool. "I'll...see you later Max…" As the bell rings for the end of lesson, I hurry out of the room without looking back, my heart thumping against my chest.

My next class is Math, and as I hurry into the room, I take my place quickly and try not to look up as students continue to file in, busying myself with opening my book and making a last check through some calculations which we had to do for today.

"Hey Lizzie!" Alex, my other best friend drops down into the seat next to me loudly, providing me with a perfect distraction as another two figures walk into the room, one, tall, dark haired male, and the other a small blond female with curly hair.

_Have you guessed who it is?_

I turn my attention away from them quickly, focusing soley on Alex as I ask him about his weekend.

"Actually it was great! I managed to get that graphics card I've been wanting for ages…"

Despite his best efforts, he's unable to resist looking over in their direction for long but to his credit, he doesn't stop talking…

_Alex is a big computer nut you see – lots of people might call him a nerd for it, but he does have the redeeming quality of being in a band, so computer nut it is… Even if he is something of a nut though, he's one great friend who I can always rely on…_

He's been to a big computer fair at the weekend, and takes great delight in distracting me from the way Tess always fawns over Max until the teacher arrives.

_That's right, it was Max and Tess who just walked in… And no, Tess isn't his girlfriend, although not from lack of trying… It's just…well…complicated…_

As Mrs David walks into the room, all talking ceases, and it's down to work again. We go over the homework assignment quickly, which I'm delighted to find I got right, and then move onto today's work.

I guess you could say I'm pretty lucky really, I've always had a thing with numbers and such. Maths, science, they're 'my' subjects, and even after having Abby, I'm right on track to graduate at the end of this year at the top of the class…

"Liz?"

I blink, having zoned for a moment. As said to Maria, I haven't exactly had a good night's sleep, and I'm kinda tired… "What…oh…sorry Mrs David…" I apologise in a flustered manner.

She looks at me questioningly, but doesn't say anything, instead choosing to glare at a couple of kids at the back of the room who are sniggering over my predicament. "Would you like to tell me what's so funny…?" She asks them expectantly.

Meanwhile, I've taken advantage of the distraction, and Alex is pointing out what she was asking me about, so that when she returns to me a moment later, I can actually answer without any problems.

I'm sure that she knows full well why that is, but she doesn't call me on my lack of attention, and instead simply nods, indicating that I'm right, and then moving on. I flash a grateful look over in Alex's direction and then try and concentrate for the rest of the lesson.

"Are you still needing me to watch Abby this Weekend?" Alex asks me as we're packing up our stuff an hour later.

I nod. "Yeah…if it's okay…"

_I wouldn't usually have a problem, but mom and dad are away for the weekend at a conference, leaving me to open up the diner, and Maria's working too, which leaves Alex or… Well, basically Alex is my best option…_

He grins and nods. "Sure, of course… Why wouldn't it, I haven't been able to spend some quality time with her for ages." He assures me with another smile, standing, and then waiting until I do the same before moving towards the door.

"Thanks, you know I really appreciate it…" I smile back at him as we step back out onto the corridor and head towards out lockers since it's homeroom next.

"Honestly Lizzie, I don't mind…" He grins again and slips an arm around my shoulders, squeezing them gently and then thinking for a moment. "So, do you want me to stay at yours, or can I take her out…?"

_Time and time again he and Maria amaze me with how great they are with the whole thing about Abby… They could have just washed their hands of me when I got pregnant, but they didn't', they stuck by me, and they've been there whenever I needed them… _

I sigh and shrug. "I'll leave that up to you, I'm not bothered either way, all I would ask is that you have her in the Crashdown for lunch on a Saturday…"

He nods with a smile, knowing that I always have lunch with Abby on a Saturday. I alternate weekends, as far as working, so that I can spend more time with her, but even when I'm working on a Saturday, I tend to go without my breaks morning and afternoon, and instead take one long lunch with my favourite girl. "Sure, no probs…"

We stop at his locker first, and then mine. I grab what books I need, and put the rest back inside and then glance at the clock, checking the time. Homeroom should be starting any minute, but I have something else I need to do first…

"Okay, ready?" Alex asks me, waiting patiently at the side.

I shake my head. "I think I need to visit the restroom first…I'll catch up with you okay?" I assure him with a smile.

Although surprised, he nods and after telling me he'll see me in class, heads off down the corridor leaving me alone. I push the door of my locker closed, and replace the lock, before walking quickly in the opposite direction to Alex, stopping in front of a door about half way down the corridor as the bell sounds. I look both ways, checking that no one's about, and then quickly slip inside, closing the door firmly behind me.


End file.
